


Supernatural Season 10 meta

by karoffelbrei89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, Meta, Meta Essay, Nonfiction, Supernatural meta, cross-posted from tumblr, spn meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 08:44:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karoffelbrei89/pseuds/karoffelbrei89
Summary: Collection of my metas I wrote for season 10 of Supernatural. I wrote those at the time the season aired, so some speculations might be completely wrong. Posting here as an archive because tumblr is no longer safe.





	1. "The Tie That Binds“ or why we should take a closer look on Castiels tie

**"The Tie That Binds“ or why we should take a closer look on Castiels tie**

 

> _“Not that you care, but… I like you better in a tie.”_

That little line at the end of 10x10 kept me thinking, because as much meta there is about Cas trenchcoat, there is almost nothing about his tie.

If you analyze any kind of visual media, if you analyze film & television, you can’t ignore clothes & costumes. Even before a character said their first sentence, their apparence tell us something about them. Show me what you wear and I tell you who you are.

Now on Supernatural I would argue that one of the most iconic costumes is that of Castiel, especially his trenchcoat. And to go further, by now his trenchcoat became the representation of his angelic nature. The few times he doesn’t wear his coat he is either human (9x03, 9x06, 9x09), lost his mojo (5x04) or doesn’t remember he’s an angel (7x17).

The most significant recently change in Cas story happened in Season 9 when he became a human. As mentioned before he didn’t wear a coat then, but after becoming an angel again we saw him wearing a coat again (9x10). Though it was still a trenchcoat, the coat was new. Just as Cas was an angel again, he wasn’t the same anymore.

>   _„You know, old me – I would’ve have just kept going. I would’ve jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though – Well, that PB and J taught me that angels can change, so…who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.“_

Cas changed and so did his coat. But it is in 9x18 when his new coat is torn apart fort he first time. The same episode that ends with the song „The sun ain’t shine anymore“ , first line: _Loneliness is the coat you wear._

The coat and therefore Cas angelic nature is the source of his loneliness. And slowly there are holes in his coat.

We continue the theme into season 10. In 10x02, Cas takes of his coat. Later Hannah, another angel who represents heaven, covers Cas in even that coat while he is asleep.

So why all that talking about Cas coat? If his coat is a symbol of heaven & his identity as an angel, could it be that his tie works as a symbol as well?

As I said, as much as there is about Cas coat, noone ever mentions his tie (at least on the show). Noone except Claire. Not only once, but twice. And why it seemed in 10x09 that she only asked Cas to put on a tie to convience the group home superintendent that he is indeed her father, her line in 10x10 made me think that maybe there is a little bit more to the story.

We know very little about Jimmy Novak, his life before becoming a vessel and his relationship to his daughter. But it is fair to assume that as much as the audience associates Cas with his trenchcoat Claire associates her father with his tie. Jimmy probably didn’t wear his coat at home, maybe the coat was even brandnew and Claire never got the chance to get used to it. But the tie is something else. Maybe Jimmy used to still wear his tie when he got home from work and ate dinner with his family. Maybe Claire helped him choose a tie in the morning. And we see her fixing Cas tie in 10x09, something her father may have teached her.

If the coat is a symbol for the angel that Cas is, his tie is a symbol for the man his vessel used to be. Noone mentions the tie, because everyone sees the angel. But when Claire sees Cas again, she sees her father.

Now Cas doesn’t wear his tie anymore, he hasn’t since 09x10. Even in 10x09 after he put on a tie again in the group home (and seemed uncomfartable doing so), we see him without one in the very next scene. The tie isn’t part anymore of Cas (borrowed) identity. Jimmy Novak is dead and by making amends to Claire Cas last reason for wearing the tie is gone. The body his is wearing has become his own.

So the question is, if Cas can lose the tie, can he lose the coat again? This time permanently & while choosing to do so. The question for Cas – heaven or earth, living as an angel or a man – still remains. But with the holes in Cas (new) coat, with Hannah needing to cover him, chances are Cas will lose his coat as well.


	2. Forgiveness as an act of compassion: Why Dean needs Charlies forgiveness on the road to recovery

**Forgiveness as an act of compassion: Why Dean needs Charlies forgiveness on the road to recovery**

 

 

_To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It’s-it’s… it’s not done because people deserve it. It’s done because they need it._ (Giles, Buffy 2x19: I Only Have Eyes For You)

  
In 10x11 we see Deans current struggle with the MoC mirrored in the character of Charlie, who is literally torn apart in two, good!Charlie and evil!Charlie. Neither of hem is the true Charlie and in the end they need to become one again. It is interesting then that we hear one sentence – **I forgive you** – not only once but three times. Once is chance, twice is coincidence, third time is a pattern. Even more so if we look who is saying that sentence.

  
The first time we hear it it is from evil!Charlie in her confrontation with Russel. As she kills Russel moments later we know she didn’t mean this words. If we define forgiveness as an act of compassion it is clear that the dark part of Charlie isn’t able to feel compassion. The only person she seems to care for is her other part, good!Charlie. 

 

> _She’s trying to win me back._

  
The second time we hear the words „I forgive you“ is when they are said by Clive. As his dark side became the Wizard of Oz, it is now a good part of a person saying those words. But not only those.

 

> _I forgive you. We both do._

  
He is speaking for his other part, his dark part, as well. We learned that the dark part of a soul isn’t able to show compassion. Could it be though that the good part forgives too easily, even when forgiveness isn’t deserved? Clive dies while he is still torn apart in two, so we never know if the real Clive would have been able to forgive Charlie for her actions.

  
The third time forgiveness is offered it is finally by a person who is truly her own, as Charlies good and evil parts became one again. There is no question here for her motive, her forgiveness is genuine. 

> Charlie: _I forgive you, Dean._  
>  Dean: _Yeah, well, I don’t._  
>  Charlie: _I know. It’s kind of your move. How’s that working out for you, huh?_  
>  Dean: _I’m so sorry, kiddo._  
>  Charlie: _Then prove it._

  
Charlie forgave Dean because she knew he needed her forgiveness. It is not wheter he deserves it or not but rather if he needs it. Charlie saw what happened to her, realized how similiar her siatuation is to Deans and said the first thing Dean needed to hear to eventually forgive himself.   
I’m not letting what happened to me happen to you.

While being torn apart Charlie knew that both, good!Charlie and evil!Charlie, were part of her. 

 

> Charlie: _I keep calling her “she,” but she’s me. I’m the one doing this._  
>  Dean: _Charlie, that – that’s not who you are, okay? It’s – it’s a twisted version of –_  
>  Charlie: _Me._

  
Dean wouldn’t accept that evil!Charlie was part of the real Charlie as well, while ironically he sees himself only as a monster, denying his good parts.   
Charlie learned to see herself for who she truly is, in the same episode where we finally learn her true name. She overcomes the trauma of her past but at what prize?  
Charlie has learned her lesson. At the end she found herself again. Now the question is if Deans is able to follow her example. By helping Dean to accept who he is and to forgive himself Charlie made sure the first step is taken.


	3. Crappy Childhoods: Season Tens exploration of the trauma that lies beneath

**Crappy Childhoods: Season Tens exploration of the trauma that lies beneath**

 

> _„Well, here’s to, uh, crappy childhoods.“_ (10x12: About a boy)

We know since season one that the Winchesters childhood wasn’t all rainbows and kittens, but it isn’t up until season ten that a messed up childhood becomes a recurring theme. And it is tied up with another theme of this season: there is more than one version of every story.

  
We start in 10x01 with Cole, a man driven by revenge for his father. He dedicates his life to find Dean, the murder of his father, and to kill him. In his first scence we see that he has a wife and a son he leaves behind in his quest to find Dean. Many noted how much Cole resembled  John Winchester .  
Now Cole has his version of  the story and it is clear that the death of his father shaped his whole life. But we learn in 10x07 that there is another version oft he truth, that Coles father was a monster. The story that Cole told himself about who he was, who his father was, who Dean was, was wrong. Cole remains a victim, but the monster wasn’t Dean, it was his father. Dean knows what revenge can do to a man, he kows how the stories we keep telling about ourselfs shapes our lifes and sometimes make us too blind to see the truth.

> _„I get it. That was your story. Look, man, I got one of those, too. Okay, but those stories that we tell to keep us going? Man, sometimes they blind us.“_

Deans story, the story of his family, is that of his mothers death, how he learned that monsters are real, how he became a hunter and couldn’t rest until he got his revenge. And in his story his father became the tragic hero, who lost his wife and dedicated his life to find her killer. 

  
Even years after Johns death Deans relstionship to his father is rather complex to say the least. He is torned apart between still idolizing him and realizing that his father abused him and his brother.

  
In 10x03, while he is still a demon, he blames his father for the life he had.

> _„Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!“_

Interesting enough, that happened right after Sam reminded him that their family is all they ever had. Between the brothers it has always been Dean who prioritised their family, as the one thing that always keep them together, the one thing you can always count on. Now the roles are reversed and it’s Sam who’s holding on to the idea of family.

  
In 10x05 we see how Marie interpret the Winchesters story and their family dynamic.

> _„The perfect family,_
> 
> _or so it seemed._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _Dad was driven, no turning back._
> 
> _He wouldn’t stop without the payback._
> 
> _He trained us both to_
> 
> _track and hunt and kill._
> 
> _He took away our own free will.“_

And again in „A single man tear“.

> _„[Sams part]_
> 
> _I wish that he could see the way I see him_
> 
> _The perfect brother, a man without sin._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _[Deans part]_
> 
> _Even though I am haunted, must be the man daddy wanted_
> 
> _Wish I could be as strong as Sam_
> 
> _Blaze my own trail, be my own man_
> 
> _But underneath this broken mask_
> 
> _It is my father, with all his wrath.“_

Marie interprets the Winchesters childhood as messed up and especially Dean as someone who lives still in the shadow of his father, trying to be his own man, while retelling the story of his family. The Sam in the play though, similiar to the Sam we see in season ten, sees his brother as a good man rather than a monster. Even more so, all the lines that imply the emotional abuse their father put on them, are sung by Dean in the play, not Sam. And while the brothers watch the play neither of them corrects Marie about her interpretation of their childhood.

  
In 10x06 Sam again sees their family in a much more positive light than Dean lately.

> _DASH: Well Sam, I’ll let you in on a little family secret. We don’t really like each other. Then again, what family does?_
> 
> _SAM: Mine does. Uh, for the most part. It’s just my brother and me, so…_

In the whole episode Olivia, the secret shapeshifter, serves as a mirror for Dean. A monster that by its nature struggles with identity. And that had a very messed up childhood as well.  In her story Bobby seems to be the monster, the reason she never knew her father and her mother locked her up. 

> _SAM: Wait a minute. Then, Bobby spared you. You should be grateful._
> 
> _OLIVIA: For what? Keeping me locked up my whole life? It would have been kinder to kill me._
> 
> _SAM: Olivia…you don’t have to do this. Being a monster is a choice._
> 
> _OLIVIA: That choice was made for me a long time ago._

Olivias story about herself blinds her so much, that she thinks it would have been kinder if Bobby had killed her. Her mother, despite her love, treated her like a monster and so she became a monster, believing that she never had the chance to have another, a different life. 

  
10x09, the midseason-finale, is an episode all about family. There is Crowley and Rowena. We learn that Rowena left her child behind to live her own life, an event that has still an emotional impact on Crowley several hundred years later. 

> _Crowley: You said, you’d be back in a flash and then you disappeared, I was eight-years-old, eight!_
> 
> _Rowena: Oh now, you’re being dramatic._
> 
> _Crowley: I didn’t even have a father!_

We know since 9x21 that Crowley himself was a horrible father, and he blames to way he treat his son on the way his mother treated him.

> _„ I mean, I beat you, starved you, came home drunk, beat you some more, woke up hungover, and, yeah, I beat you. In all fairness, I didn’t really have any role models. My mother was a witch!“_

And now, finally reunited, Rowena continues to manipulate her son, retelling her story as mother who did what she had to do in ordert o save her son.

> _ROWENA:[…]I … I had a disagreement with the locals and when they set their hounds on me, I had to leave!_
> 
> _CROWLEY: And never come back? For hundreds of years?_
> 
> _ROWENA: But I’m here now! We have a second chance. We can be a real family again, Fergus._
> 
> _And again in 10x10._
> 
> _CROWLEY: You did manage to stay away for 300 years._
> 
> _ROWENA: Please. We’ve been over this. The locals were going to try me for witchcraft, and that never ends well. I had to flee!_
> 
> _CROWLEY: You could have sent for me!_
> 
> _ROWENA: Well, then came the chance to study under the great Milanese witch, Letitia Di albioni. And then there was the unpleasantness with the Grand Coven. Anyway, it was no environment for a child!_
> 
> _CROWLEY: So locking me away in a squalid workhouse was your solution?!_
> 
> _ROWENA: I will not apologize for being a career woman. Besides… What’s 300 years more or less to folks like us? Nothing. I’m back now. We can be a family._

It seems as the trauma of Crowleys human life, that eventually led him to sell his soul and become a demon, lies in his childhood, in the pain his mother caused him, making him believe he was not worth her love, and hundred years later he is still trying to make (human)connections, making the demons his new family, or in trying to make Dean his camerade. 

> _CROWLEY: And I have a family._
> 
> _ROWENA: Who? The demons? Any one of them would stab you in the back if they thought they could get away with it._
> 
> _CROWLEY: And you wouldn’t?_
> 
> _ROWENA: No! Because we’re family! We’re blood! You can trust me. I can help you! I understand you’re angry. I understand you … hate me. And if you want to keep me locked away, then so be it. But understand that I’ll always be your mother. And I’ll always love you._

Ever since the trials and Crowleys human blood addiction, he seems to be more human, and in that craves human things: love, friendship, a family.  
In 10x10 Rowena causes Crowley nightmares and later manipulates the events in a way that it seems Crowleys nightmares became true: his new chosen family of demons betrays him. Only his mother, his family by blood, is left to trust.

> _„Spies everywhere. I did try to warn you. […]I mean, today we got lucky, but tomorrow, who knows? Who is there left for you to trust?“_

And  another important aspect of Rowenas manipulation  is the fact that she chooses to call her son Fergus, his human name. Not only did Crowley found himself a new family, by giving himself a new name (and becoming something more than human) he gave himself a new identity, he retold his own story. But the more Rowena calls him Fergus, he becomes Fergus again, the little (human) boy, who wants nothing more than the love of his mother.

  
As I mentioned before, 10x09 is all about family. The Winchesters and Cas Story revolve around Claire. Claire, who is confronted with the reason for her messed up childhood: Cas. She retells the story we saw in 4x20, but in her version Cas becomes a monster who took away her father. 

> _CLAIRE: You want to talk to me about wrong? You killed my dad. Is that “wrong” enough for you?_
> 
> _CASTIEL: No, I didn’t._
> 
> _CLAIRE: Really? Because without you, he’d still be here. And my mom would still be around._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _CLAIRE: Why? Like you don’t have it coming? You stood there while this **monster** took my dad._

Instead she claims that Randy is her new father. It is clear for everyone else that he is abusing her, but Claire refuses to see it, desperate for some kind of family in her life.

> _CASTIEL: Claire, that man is using you._
> 
> _CLAIRE: He was there for me. When things got bad—and they got REAL damn bad—he was there when no one else was. HE’S my family. And you’re just … you can go to hell._
> 
> _Even after the events at the end of 10x09 she defends Randy and his actions._
> 
> _CLAIRE: And that friend of yours killed the last thing I had closest to family._
> 
> _CASTIEL: Are you speaking of Randy? Family? A man had you in that room, and Randy didn’t make a move to help you._
> 
> _CLAIRE: Maybe because he was at gunpoint. Dean Winchester’s a monster._

Especially her comment to the drifters she met at the bar makes it clear she retells the story in the way she wants it to see.

> _„And he gutted him, and I saw him standing there, soaked in blood, looking like he enjoyed it.“_

Dean didn’t enjoy it, in fact he looked devastated. But Claire paints her world in black & white. Cas is a monster because in her eyes he killed her father. Dean is a monster because he killed the closest she had to a family after that. Both times the story is far more complicated than that, neither Cas or Dean are pure evil or complete innocent.  
It is only after her plan to kill Dean failed, that Claire realizes that there is a „ _little bit of monster_ “ in all of us.  
During both episodes (10x09 & 10x10) Claire serves as Deans mirror. Cas even points it out by making the connection between Dean & Claire in how messed up their lifes are.

> _„I thought there would be a connection – one extremely messed-up human to another.“_

If we look back to the Dean we saw in season one, he used to see to world in black & white as well. But slowly he realized that not every monster is evil and that sometimes humans are the real monsters, that sometimes you become the monster.  
Ironically when it comes to himself, Deans tends to see only the monster in him, denying his good parts.

  
Another important aspect concerning the themes of the season is the fact that John Winchester was brought up again in 10x09.  
In order to give Cas advice with Claire the Winchesters tell him a story about their father. It is interesting that Sam chooses the story, and then again how Cas interprets said story.

> _SAM: Hey, uh … Tell him about that time in New York._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DEAN: Somehow, we convince him to let us go. So, we all go. We all, you know, see all the sights, and uh, ride the subway, eat too much pizza. The whole nine. Well, by about midnight, Sam and Dad are zonked, and I figure… Screw it. I’m going to CBGB._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DEAN: All right, so I get there. I sneak in, and it is nuts. I mean, people are drinking and they’re smoking and they’re—they’re snorting whatever. There’s a five-hundred pound guy on stage with a Mohawk just screaming. And, uh, my mind is blown. I don’t even know what to do. Then this girls walks up and she says “Hey, why don’t you come over and sit down with me and my friends at our table?” All right!_ _SAM: Yeah, and they get him drunk. First time._
> 
> _DEAN: But not fun drunk. I’m not quite sure what was in that stuff, but the room starts to spin, and I feel like I’m going to puke … forever. And right about that time, I hear him. “Dean Winchester!” My old man. I don’t know how, but he found me. And now I’m really freaking out, because he’s just standing there, not saying anything. I look around, and everybody else is freaking out, too. In fact, nobody’s even looking him in the eye. And finally, this one guy with, like, a safety pin through his nose and a—a “Kill Everything” tattoo looks up and he says, “Sorry, sir.” Yeah. “Sorry, sir.” To John friggin’ Winchester._
> 
> _CASTIEL: He saved you._
> 
> _DEAN: Yeah, and you know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around and he looked at me and he said, “Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.”_
> 
> _SAM: “It’s my job to raise you right.”_
> 
> _DEAN: Yeah. And he did._

Sam chooses a story to tell Cas that part of being a parent is to make hard decisions, that you are not your childs best friend, that they don’t need to like you or appriciatewhat you did for them. You only realize as an adult or when you become a parent yourself what your parents did for you.  
Cas hears the story and his response to it is that John saved Dean. Sam remembered it as a funny anecdote, maybe didn’t even know all the details  (because it sounds a lot like Dean was drugged, not just underage drinking). Cas instead understands that story as a rescue, he reads between the lines and understands the danger Dean was in.  
Now season ten presents both Sam & Dean as an unreliable narrators, who retell their stories incomplete or wrong. In that way, Cas seems to be the only one who gets it right. In 10x09 he asks Dean about his father.

> _CASTIEL: […]What about you? Did you love your father?_
> 
> _DEAN: With everything I had._

Deans answer seems strange. „ _With everything I had_ “, rather than a simple „ _yes_ “, seems way more desperate. And in 10x10 it is eventually implied how Cas read this answer.

> _SAM: This guy Claire was hanging out with, uh, Randy – All he did was use her._
> 
> _CASTIEL: Yeah, well, she thought he was kind, and for that she loved him. Shows how little kindness there was in her life._

Claire as well loved Randy with everything she had.

  
In 10x11 we meet another Dean mirror: Charlie. Charlie is literally split apart in two, good!Charlie and evil!Charlie, representing Deans good and dark side. We get a confirmation how messed up Charlies childhood was exactly.

> _“Anti-authority disorder, clinical depression, violent outbursts.”_

The reason for Charlies pain was the death of her parents. Now her dark part tries to get revenge. Evil!Charlie kills the man who is responsible for her parents death, and by accepting that both good and dark sides are part of her she overcomes her trauma by becoming one person again. Even more she helps Dean in finding his way to himself again, overcoming his own trauma, by forgiving him his actions.  
It is significant that in the same episode Charlie overcomes her childhood trauma, we learn her real name, the name she probably heard the last time when she was a child and her parents were still alive. Charlie gave herself not only one but several new names, continuous changing her identity and retelling her story.  


  
And finally we come to 10x12. I think it’s fair to say that in this episode Tina serves as our Dean mirror. Both start to bond in the bar while talking about their childhoods and their similiar experiences. 

> _TINA: How do you know the Royale Motel in Scranton?_
> 
> _DEAN: My Dad, me and my bro – we got snowed in there for a week._
> 
> _TINA: Well, I was there for about three months after my father drank all our money away. Lived on white rice and Tic Tacs until they kicked us out. Good times._
> 
> _DEAN: My Dad was always working, so I came up with about 101 different ways to make macaroni and cheese._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _TINA: Well, here’s to, uh, crappy childhoods._

Dean doesn’t protest when Tina calls their childhoods „crappy“, he doesn’t defend his father or his actions, doesn’t say that it wasn’t that bad after all. He sees his childhood for what it is, being honest with a stranger he barely knows, and more importantly, while Sam is not around.  
He continues to be honest with Tina later while they are trapped.

> _TINA: You know, before…I thought you were just another drunk._
> 
> _DEAN: I prefer functional alcoholic._

We learn later why the witch choosed Tina and Dean as their victims.

> _„I take adults no one will miss and give them back their youth.“_

Hansel listened to their conversation and interpret their lifes as messed up, as people noones going to miss. At least when it comes to Tina that might be true.

> _„I got three ex-husbands, 50 grand in debt, and not much else. I was… kind of a crappy adult. Maybe I’ll do better this time around. Get out of town, get a fresh start. This is my second chance.“_

Tina takes the second chance she has been given. She starts to retell her story, trying to learn from her mistakes. 

  
Dean doesn’t get this chance, he has to live with his mistakes. Except for Olivia all of Deans mirrors learn to live with their dark sides. They understand what blinded them in the past, how the stories they told about themselves were wrong.  
Now Dean needs to look back at his own story, needs to realize he is more than a monster. And he needs to realize that the MoC is, as Cas said, „ _more than just a physical thing_ “. It is a physical representation of the trauma that lies beneath. The trauma that lies in Deans childhood, caused by his father, that makes him believe he is poison, not worthy enough anyones love and finally accepting the Mark, and becoming the monster he believed to be in the first place.  
All those mentions of John and introducing other emotional abusing parents (Rowena, Randy) indicate that John might be coming back in one way or another and/or that Dean finally admits the real reason for all his pain, that the MoC isn’t just a physical thing but rather something with psychological cause. So the solution in getting rid of the Mark is not only to find out how to get it of Deans body, but to find out why Dean was willing enough to accept it in the first place.    
_„Maybe part of that powerful force has to be you.“_


	4. Eating away your pain: What Deans eating habits tell us about his psyche

**Eating away your pain: What Deans eating habits tell us about his psyche**

_Whoever said you eat your pain? Not me. I guzzled it._ (9x13: The Purge)

There are many metas about Deans eating habits out there, and upon the return of Classic Dean in 10x13 it’s time to take a closer look on Dean & food. One of my favourite metas concerning the topic  is that of [Tom](http://defilerwyrm.tumblr.com/), which captured Deans relationship with food rather well.  
  


> _It’s already been touched on but the gorge/hoard instinct Dean’s developed wrt food developed due to periods of not knowing when the food was going to run out and even periods of not knowing when he was going to eat next – which he most likely took on himself entirely thanks to being thrust into the role of Sam’s mother-surrogate, willing to starve himself so his brother wouldn’t go hungry. […]As explored in this meta, being part of the underclass is a key element of the boys’ character: Dean as still being part of it and Sam as having moved up. The fact that Dean wolfs down food when it’s available, especially when it’s free, and happily makes do with high-calorie, low-quality fast-, junk-, and diner food while Sam is health-conscious is indicative not only of the way they grew up – Dean being uncertain of whether or not there’d be food left for him and Sam being oblivious due to his brother’s maternal martyrdom – but also of their class status. Dean never truly left that world, so he’s never truly had a chance to address his eating disorder(s), much less recover from them, because he hasn’t moved away from the source.[[x](http://defilerwyrm.tumblr.com/post/42402902569/there-must-be-some-kind-of-way-out-of-here-does)]_

Deans big appetite may have started as a running gag, but at some point it wasn’t funny anymore, because there is a rather sad reason to it. But despite social/economical reasons I think there is also a psychological reasons explaining Deans lust for food. 

  
It is in 2x19 that Dean calls out another cell mate because of his weight.

> _Cause, you know, they’re, uh they’re just doughnuts. They’re not love._

Of course Dean is the master of projecting his own issues on other people. Food is not only food to him. And Dean knows very well that food sometimes can mean love. His love/craving for pie can be explained by the fact that it was something his mother made for him (as seen in one of his memories in 5x16), so pie becomes some sort of comfort food, a reminder of the home he had and the love he has been given. 

  
It is fair to assume that John never cooked for his sons, maybe because he never learned to do so, but mostly because he wasn’t around. Dean at some point learned to cook (probably because cooking is cheaper than to buy junk food) and made sure his little brother had always enough to eat (as seen in 1x18). Mary showed her love/affection for her family through cooking and Dean continued to do this. One of the first things he does after the boys found the bunker is burgers, to Sams sursprise. Sam on the other hand was probably too young to understand what Dean did for him, how he became his second parent, because their actuall parent (John) wasn’t around. It wasn’t Deans job to raise his brother, and so the scence in 10x12, when Dean recalls all the ways he made Mac&Cheese, which on the surface seemed funny, is in reality rather tragic and a reminder of his stolen childhood. (It is then no coincidence that Dean later eats the cake until Tina voices her doubts, after all it is free food. Although Tina experienced a similiar childhood she is wary of something that’s been given for free, maybe because she learned the hard way that there are no things for free, there is always a prize to pay.)

  
But Deans excessive eating is also shown as a way of coping with his ongoing depression/ptsd. This has been made clear in 5x14, when Famine calls Dean out on his coping mechanisms and how they are not working anymore, because inside Dean is already dead.

> _FAMINE: […]And yet, you’re all still starving because hunger doesn’t just come from the body, it also comes from the soul._
> 
> _DEAN: It’s funny, it doesn’t seem to be coming from mine._
> 
> _FAMINE: Yes. I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is? How you could even walk in my presence?_
> 
> _DEAN: Well, I like to think it’s because of my strength of character._
> 
> _FAMINE: I disagree. Yes. I see. That’s one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can’t fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex._
> 
> _DEAN: Oh, you’re so full of crap._
> 
> _FAMINE: Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can’t win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just… keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, Dean, because inside, you’re already…dead._

Hunger doesn’t come just from the body, it also comes from the soul. Deans hunger for life manifests itself in his appetitte for food, women/sex and alcohol. 

  
In 3x01 when he pretends that he doesn’t care he is going to die within a year and tries to live his life to the fulliest, we see him eating cheeseburgers for breakfast and having fun with the Doublemint twins. He seems to accept his fate, and becomes a caricature of himself. It is similiar to what we have seen in 10x13 (trying to eat everything the mensa had to offer & checking out college girls).

  
But while the way Dean ate had been an integral part of his personality, it has become a part of his persona, of someone he pretends/wishes to be, ever since he became a demon. 

  
Deans absence of hunger is the final clue for Crowley to realize what Dean had become in 9x23.

> _It wasn’t until you summoned me… No, it wasn’t truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten…that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true._

Deans hunger became a different one. The Mark doesn’t need food, it only needs Dean to kill. While being a demon, we saw Dean drinking, and Crowley also mentioned in 10x01 that he ate ( _How many suicide wings can you eat?_ ). It’s been never made clear if demons need to eat& drink, but I think it’s fair to assume that they don’t and they only do it out of pleasure (after all they had been humans once, unless angels who never experienced the joy food can bring and who are sadly only able to taste molecules). 

  
In a way the Dean persona started to excist here, because even as a demon, Dean never really knew what kind of demon he wanted to be. Crowley forces him to make a choice in 10x02.

> _Tell me, Dean – what are you? A demon? If so, why isn’t Lester’s wife dead? Did you feel sorry for her? So maybe you’re human. Except you have those pretty black peepers and you’re working alongside me. Why don’t you do us all a great big favor and PICK A BLOODY SIDE?!_

While being a demon Dean does the things he believes summarize him the most: booze,food & women/sex. He is not interested in killing, he only kills Lester because he thinks he deserved it and because he knew the Mark needed him to kill. But the most outstanding characterization of Demon!Dean ist he way he doesn’t seem to care about anything at all, in great contrast to actual (human) Dean, who cares so much that the weight of it seems to drag him down. 

  
We only saw Demon!Dean for a rather short time, but eventually the alcohol, food & sex wouldn’t  fill the void inside him anymore. Just as in 5x14 he is already dead inside (literally as he died at the end of 9x23 and you could speculate that at the moment it’s only the Mark that keeps him alive). It is therefore no coincidence that in 10x02, after Cas visited Metatron and he called him „ _Dead men walking_ “, the scence cut immediately to Dean (sitting at the piano and cutting himself, but the cut heals instantly, a reminder of how very far from being human Dean at that moment is). 

  
In 10x03, right after Dean becomes human again, one oft he first things Sam does, is to get Dean something to eat, „ _some cholesterol_ “, meaning junk food. For Sam junk food is something so very Dean, something that he hopes will make his brother feel better. 

  
In the next episodes Dean seems to eat normal, or either way the show doesn’t focus on his eating habits. Not until 10x09, where we see Dean eating throughout the whole episode, in a way that it is hard not to notice. Of course the very same episode starts with Dean having a nightmare about what he is to become and ends exactly like that nightmare: Dean turns into a stone cold killer, a monster. In light of that, Deans eating can be seen as a way to take control again, to force himself to be the person he wants to be again, old Dean/classic Dean, the Dean he was before he took the Mark. (On a sidenote in the same episode Cas tells Claire she could eat a vegetable, a cliché of something a parent would say (but because it’s Cas he actually meant it) and something John probably never told his sons.)

  
In 10x11 he tries another angle, eating healthy, being abstinent, sleeping enough. In many ways he tries to be more like Sam, he tries to be someone else. But at the end the Mark still won. Charlie needed to find her balance, to accept her dark side, in order  to save herself, and so must Dean. 

  
In 10x13 we see him eating again in a way we used to, but as mentioned before it is similiar to his situation in 3x01. Dean has resigned, he accepted his fate, which for him is  hat he can’t be saved.

  
Now hunger, just as the Mark, seems to be something rather physical. It is simply: you’re hungry, you eat. The Mark is turning you into something you’re not, you find a physical way to get rid of it. And the Mark has been portraited more than once now as some sort of addiction, which seems to be on the surface a physical problem, but is at its core a psychological one. 

  
Mental illness such as depression and ptsd can show themselves in eating disorders. From personal experience I know that controlling how much you eat and what you eat is a way to take control over your body in a situation where you feel you have little to nothing control left. 

  
As I mentioned before at the moment it seems that Deans constant eating serves as a way for him to take control again, to force himself to be the Dean he once was, the Dean persona. If the Mark takes control again, we will probably see Dean stoping to eat again. The void can’t be longer filled with food/alcohol/sex, Dean needs to kill again. 

  
On the long run Dean needs to save himself. He needs to find balance. And he needs to find out who he truly is. Not Dean the good son. Not Dean the big brother. Not the soldier. Not the Dean persona. Just Dean. No more, no less.


	5. Buckleming and the DeanCasAgenda

**Buckleming and the DeanCasAgenda**

For starters: Buckleming (aka Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming) will never be my favourite Supernatural-writers. A lot of their episodes are problematic in terms of being racist, sexist or how they deal with consent. The characters tend to be OOC (especially Cas) and on top of that they like to change the mythology of the show in a way they need it to tell their stories.

  
They are also accussed to be against Destiel. Why some of their episodes certainly look like that, a closer look reveals they might be hopping on the Destiel love train as well. You know, in their own weird way.

  
In other words, if we assume that the Destiel-subtext (especially since the Carver era) is intentional, and is leading to Destiel as a romantic endgame, all of the writers should be aware of  that. Though some writers throw in heavier subtext than others, I can’t imagine that a single pair of writers writes deliberate against a ship, that is meant to be endgame (and in the context of this meta we assume that Destiel is meant to be endgame). 

  
So let’s take a closer look on their episodes and see how they write Dean as a) someone who craves a domestic life/a long term relationship, b) is a (closet) bisexual and c) in love with Castiel.

**1x13 Route 666**

  
The episode with the racist trucks. Yeah, not going there. But also the episode in where we meet Cassie Robinson, and we learn for the first time that Dean has been in a long term relationship, that he has been in love, to the point that he told Cassie who he really is (whereas Sam neither told Jessica or Amelia). This is the first time that we see that Dean might wants more for himself, that he thinks there is more than being a hunter, always on the road. Of course Cassie left him after he told her the truth (believing he lied to her to get out of their relationship), so a lot of Deans womanzing could be explained that after the first time he tried to be in an actually relationship it backfired so bad he returned to one night stands again.

  
Nevertheless the episode shows us, that Dean wants more from life, that he seeks out a companion and commitment. (The fact that Cassies name resembles Castiel so much is a giant cosmic joke)

**7x05 Shut up, Dr. Phil**

  
Season 7 is a rather interessting case in terms of Destiel-subtext. I don’t know at which point they decided to bring Cas back, so a lot of the subtext in the first episodes could be read in a way that they suggested that Dean might have been in love with Castiel but as they had no plans to bring his character back with no intention to make the ship canon. (Season 7 has a lot of Destiel subtext, read Flutiebears exellent meta about it [here](http://flutiebear.tumblr.com/post/31075324833/are-dean-cas-in-love-a-k-a-the-great-season-7), and I like to think that when Carver took over in Season 8 he saw the opportunity here and went for it) 

In 7x05 we deal with a married couple of witches. Of course Sam and Deans relationship often resembles that of an old married couple, so Maggie and Don are meant as a parallel for Sam and Dean. But they could be interpret as parallel for Dean and Cas relationship as well. If we look at the advice Dean and Sam give the couple the wording is rather interesting.

 

> _DEAN: Look – obviously, you two are capable of wiping each other out, right? But you haven’t, huh? Which means that you two – you still value whatever it is you got. A-and you want keep that dance going. Maybe it’s – maybe it’s **punishment.** Maybe it’s – **it’s sick, messed-up, erotic, kinky, clamps and feathers kind of love.**_
> 
> _SAM: Okay, okay, t-that’s – that’s going way too deep, there, cowboy. Look, what he’s trying to say is that – is that you two – whatever it is you have, you’re **bonded**._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DEAN: Whoa! Okay, okay! Okay, look – n-nobody can defend Don. Right? Uh, totally. But, uh, we get that you feel **betrayed** …because you were._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DON STARK: He’s right. **I couldn’t kill you**. All I ever wanted is you, Mags. I’ve been crushing on you since forever. You’re the woman that I want to never grow old with._
> 
> _MAGGIE STARK: **I could never murder you either** , Don. It’s crazy… But true._

First, Dean uses the word punishment. After Cas comes back he later admits that he thinks his resurrections are meant as punishment. Dean sees Maggie and Dons relationship as erotic and kinky, so the parellel doesn’t work here for Sam and Dean but rather for Dean and Cas (also the word feathers).  Sam on the other hand uses the word bonded. We don’t know if Sam had Dean and Cas profound bond in mind (I’m not sure how much he remembers from his year without a soul), but the viewers associate the word with Destiel. 

  
Dean than emotional connects with Maggie. He talks about betrayal, because he was betrayed as well. He trusted Cas, and got his heart broken as well.

  
In the end Don and Maggie realize that they couldn’t kill each other, the same as Dean couldn’t kill Cas in 7x01. Although he summoned Death to do it, we never know if he would have been able to do it (and he later admits in 7x07 „ _Look, I get it. There are certain people in this world, no matter how dangerous they are, you just can’t [kill]._ “)

  
**7x13 The Slice Girls**

  
I know, I know, how could an episode in where Dean has sex with a woman suggests any Destiel subtext? Maybe it’s not Destiel subtext per se, but it tells a lot about Deans love life and state of mind.

  
First of all the act itself. There isn’t an emotional connection between Lydia and Dean. Dean wants to be tender, whereas Lydia prefers it rough. Deans doesn’t look satisfied after it and the next morning he tells Sam he might be to old for this (Dean in general seems to lack an interest in casual sex and rather seeks long term relationships in Season 6 to 10).

  
Later it is revealved that Lydia is an Amazon and their night had consequences in form of a teenage daughter trying to kill Dean. Now there is actually a trope for this, [Sex is evil](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FSexIsEvil&t=OTRhODgxZjIxNzA3NjZkYTkxMTkzOWZkMTgzMzczZWIzMDY2OWIwZCxub0dTb01JZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F115156482447%2Fbuckleming-and-the-deancasagenda&m=1).

  
It also reminded me of Joss Whedons audio commentary to the Buffy episode „ _Innocence_ “ (Season 2, episode 14). Short summary (beware of spoilers of course): During the course oft he first two seasons Buffy falls in love with Angel, a vampire with a soul. The soul is a curse, as Angel experiences all the pain his victims went through (in Buffys mythology a human loses his soul when he becomes a vampire). At the end of 2x13 Buffy and Angel spent the night together and Angel finds true happiness. Therefore the curse is broken, Angel loses his soul again, and becomes a merciless killer and main antagonist of Season 2. The fact that Buffy (who is still underage I think at the time?) had sex is immediatly punished.

 

> _„Politics of the thing are always complicated. You know, I said I didn’t want to kill the girl who has sex; and yet I punish the shit out of her. That brings up a lot of issues with me. I don’t like the idea of a reactionary message, that everything you do must be punished. I believe that Buffy and Angel were in love and that what they did wasn’t bad. At the same time I don’t want to be saying, “All teenagers must boff! You must boff now! Boff each other! Do it!”_
> 
> _It’s complicated; I don’t really want to be telling them one thing or another. But inevitably in a horror show you end up punishing people for everything they do, just so you can find the horror, the real emotional horror of everything they go through. Buffy drinks beer, not going to go well for her. Buffy has sex with her boyfriend, not going to go well for her. The important thing is to make the punishment emotional, and not have her be axe-murdered. And also let her grow from it; let her be stronger, let it resonate on a normal emotional level, instead of on some Evil Higher Power that must put an axe into their heads just because they dared to have sex._
> 
> _Eventually, of course, we deal with that with all the characters; but with Buffy we knew it was all going to be about the pain.“_ ([source](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fstormwreath.livejournal.com%2F121980.html&t=NzI5MDc4YjhlOWY0Y2IzNzg4NDZmNzhmZGRmMTZjNTI2NGQzMjQ0OSxub0dTb01JZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F115156482447%2Fbuckleming-and-the-deancasagenda&m=1))

Whedon didn’t wanted to punish Buffy for what she did, but from a moral standpoint teenagers in the nineties couldn’t have sex on television without consequences. So in the world of Buffy there were consequences in  form of supernatural horror.

  
In the context of Supernatural Deans One Night Stand should be viewed as bad, as it results in consequences as well. Casual sex can’t give Dean what he needs, it doesn’t heal his emotional wounds, but rather deepens them. 

  
  
**8x03 Heartache**

Third episode in season 8, and we start with a theme we will find all over the season: interspecies romance, or rather humans in love with a supernatural beings. Those usual occur in the MOTW-episodes, because the C-Plot mirrors the B-Plot (please read [neven-ebrez meta](http://neven-ebrez.tumblr.com/post/72443211295/can-i-ask-something-potentially-stupid-what-is) if you haven’t already). So if these romances work as a parallel, the question is for which brother? Sam? The only love interest he has in season 8 is Amelia, quite human. And Dean? His lovestory isn’t quite textual as Sams, but it is all there in the subtext. And all those tragic love stories can only work as a parallel if we view Dean and Cas as a romantic couple.

  
All of season 8 interspecies romantic couples: 8x03 Eleanor & Brick, 8x04 Kate & Micheal, 8x05 Benny & Andrea, 8x11 Charlie & Gilda, 8x15 James & Portia, 8x16 Prometheus & Artemis (not interspecies, but forbidden), 8x16 Promotheaus & Haley, 8x22 Nephilim (angel & human)

  
Now in 8x03 we meet Eleanor, a human woman, in love with a man who never ages through a deal he made in his youth and at the cost of human sacrifices. In the end her husband commits suicide because he couldn’t bear the thought of living without her.

> _SAM: When did you find out about this?_
> 
> _MRS HOLMES: Not until I began to age and – and Brick – Kelly, as he was when I met him – did not. But by that time, Brick himself had changed… inside. **He wasn’t just the warrior whose only reason for living was combat. He – we were deeply, deeply in love.** So in love, I’m ashamed to say, that when I found out that – how my husband stayed young and strong, I chose to ignore it._
> 
> _SAM: You and Brick had to go underground from time to time to hide your secret, right?_
> 
> _MRS HOLMES: Every ten years or so, he would, uh, re-emerge with a new look, a new name. And me, I was the wife, and I was the woman in hiding, and then, when I got into my forties, I became Brick’s mother. Eleanor. I am so tired. You can’t imagine the burden of it all. I think even Brick was through. He could see the end of my days were at hand, and… **He had lived centuries all alone, but I don’t think he could bear the thought of life without me.** That’s why he drove off that bridge. You must think I’m a **monster**._
> 
> _DEAN: No. No, just that you married one._

If we look at Brick, two of his characteristics stand out: the fact that he never aged and that he lived for centuries all alone as a warrior until he met his wife. Sounds familiar? Brick changed after he met the love of his life. Cas turned against his family & home, he rebelled & died for Dean. He lived for centuries, struggling to find meaning in his angelic life. 

  
And if we look at Dean during their conversation with Eleanor, it is clear that he understands her. Because he is in love as well with a supernatural being, sometimes alien and unfamiliar. 

  
Eleanor says she is a monster, for ignoring what her husband has done. Dean says she only married a monster. Meanwhile Cas stays behind in purgatory, thinking of himself as a monster who deserves punishment.

  
**8x07 A little slice of Kevin**

  
Also known as the Destiel love fest. The episode begins with Dean halluzinating Cas. He then confides in Sam, who suggests that maybe Dean suffers from survivors guilt. Now this is odd. Because Cas up to this point died four times and three times he came back. Through nothing else as a deus ex machina. So when Dean tells Sam he saw Cas why doesn’t consider Sam at least the possibility that Cas might be back? Well, because Sammy knows. At this point of the story, after the events in 6x20, after Deans grieving in season 7 and now the way he acts after he returned from purgatory without Cas, Sam might be aware of his brothers feelings for Cas. So instead of suggesting there might be a supernatural explanation why Cas is back, Sam thinks of psychological one. Because he doesn’t want Dean to develop false hope. And well, because he’s been there. Back in season one, after Jess death, Sam saw her as well (at the end of 1x05). He saw her standing next to the street while driving by, just as Dean in the beginning of 8x07.

  
Then of course Cas comes back and the famous boner scene happened. Over the course of the episode, Dean is extreme protective and after Cas almost risks his life after confronting Crowley, Dean talks about it with him.

> _DEAN: That was a bonehead move back there. You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn’t you wait for me_
> 
> _CASTIEL: Well, I didn’t get killed. And it worked._
> 
> _DEAN: And if it didn’t?_
> 
> _CASTIEL: It would have been **my problem**._
> 
> _DEAN: Well, **that’s not the way I see it**._
> 
> _CASTIEL: Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility. Getting me out of Purgatory wasn’t your responsibility._
> 
> _DEAN: You didn’t get out. So whose fault was it?_
> 
> _CASTIEL: It’s not about fault. It’s about will. Dean, do you really not remember?_
> 
> _DEAN: [laughs shortly] I lived it, Cas. Okay, I know what happened._
> 
> _CASTIEL: No. No, you think you know. **You remembered it the way you needed to.**_
> 
> _DEAN: Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? **For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about!** I don’t need it!_
> 
> _CASTIEL: Dean. Just look at it. Really look at it. [He touches DEAN on the forehead.]_
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _CASTIEL: See, it wasn’t that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. **Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn’t want to be saved.**_
> 
> _DEAN: What the hell are you talking about?_
> 
> _CASTIEL: It’s where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on earth and in heaven, I didn’t deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I… **I planned to stay all along. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You can’t save everyone, my friend… though, you try.**_

Dean remembered his escape from purgatory the whole time wrong. He made himself resonsible for Cas fate, blaiming himself, was  full of guilt. Because he couldn’t deal with the fact that Cas stayed behind deliberately. That Cas left him again. Dean remembered it the way he needed to, because thinking he failed Cas was easier than living with the knowledge that Cas had chosen to stay behind. 

  
**8x 15 Men‘s best friend with benefits**

  
Another round of interspecies romance: James, the witch, and Portia, his familiar. They have a close bond, the familiar chooses the witch and never leaves her/him again. But James and Portias relationship is quite unusual, as they are intimate as well. 

  
Now Dean and Cas have a close bond as well, and in a way Cas has choosen Dean as well (and will again in 8x17) when forced to choose between his old family in heaven and his new family, the Winchesters. Though Cas and Dean never crossed the line of being just friends/family, Dean seems to be curious.

> _DEAN: I got to ask. I-I can’t help but wonder –_
> 
> _PORTIA: Which came first, dog or girl?_
> 
> _DEAN: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I’m just curious as to which one you consider yourself, mostly._
> 
> _PORTIA: This have anything to do with what I told you about James and me last night? How you’re imagining it?_
> 
> _DEAN: What? No, that’s.. .[ DEAN Chuckles ]Yes._

All joking aside, I think Deans interest here is serious. How does a relationship between a human and a supernatural being work? And when he asks Portia as what she sees herself, dog or woman, this foreshades a question Cas has to ask himself in season 9: What are you? Human or angel?

  
**8x19 Taxi Driver**

  
Oh Naomi, how I miss her. Because she knew, of course she knew. After all her whole strategy of gaining control over Cas was based on breaking the bond between him and Dean (Sam? Not so much). Of course this is most prominent in 8x17. By now Cas is missing and the angel tablet with him. So what can Naomi do? Talking to Dean, trying to gain his trust, making him believe  she as well wants only the best for Cas. And subtly trying to break them further apart. Telling Dean Cas came back wrong from purgatory, that he can’t believe everything he says. And then hitting Dean in his weakest point: making him believe Cas doesn’t feel the same for Dean as Dean feels for him. That his love is unrequited. And that Cas will leave him, again and again. Because the people Dean loves always leave him in the end. Because Dean is not worth enough to stay.

> _DEAN: Save it. See, I don’t trust Angels, which means I don’t trust you._
> 
> _NAOMI: And yet you haven’t warded this place against us. I know. You’re hoping Castiel will return to you. **I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.** I know you don’t want to believe it, Dean, but **we’re on the same side** – shutting the Gates of Hell, bringing Castiel in from the cold. Take a moment. Think about what I’ve said._

 

**9x03 I’m no angel**

  
Or how an episode that has written queerbaiting all over does in fact supports Destiel… you know, in a weird kinda way. The biggest issue of 9x03 is the fact that Cas sleeps with April. Not so much because she is a woman, but because of the question of consent. That’s what truly problematic here. But Cas having sex with a woman? After tons of meta on the possibility of Dean being bisexual, why can’t we consider that Cas might be bisexual as well? Especially since angels don’t have the same concept of gender and sexuality as humans. In 7x01 Cas explained that he is indifferent towards sexual orientation. He is simply either not aware or not concerned with the issues of sexual orientation in the human world. Furthermore the episode establishes that Cas indeed is a sexual being/has sexual desires. 

  
And then of course Dean finds out. And Cas telling Dean that he had sex is in no way relevant to the plot. He didn’t need to mention it, but he did. It doesn’t make sense, at least not in the world of Supernatural. Therefore the only reason Dean needed to know, is that Dean is aware that Cas (at least as a human) enjoys sex. 

  
Then of course comes the parting scene. Because the lovers can’t be happy together. Because the story needs conflict. Because it is a [trope as old as time](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FStarCrossedLovers&t=ODkwMTY5OGJhMTdmMzBhMGU1MjA4YWMxNThmMWU3MWY5NmI2Y2UwOCxub0dTb01JZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F115156482447%2Fbuckleming-and-the-deancasagenda&m=1).  
  


**9x09 Holy Terror**

  
Another reason why Dean needed to find out about Cas having sex with April in 9x03, is so that he could be musing about it ever since then. Six episodes later, the first thing Dean mentions after hearing Aprils name is that Cas sleept with her. Not that she also killed Cas. And maybe, just maybe, Deans seems to be a little bit relieved that Cas first sex ended in a disaster (wo are you calling jealous?). Sam can’t stand the akward flirting and UST and secrectly leaves.  
Castiel: Well, Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron’s spell. Presumably to – to retake Heaven once his following is large enough. That’s according to April.

> _Dean: The reaper you banged._
> 
> _Castiel: Yeah, and you stabbed._
> 
> _Dean: Yeah. She was hot._
> 
> _Castiel: So hot. And very nice._
> 
> _Dean: Mm._
> 
> _Castiel: Up to the point she started torturing me_
> 
> _Dean: Yeah. Well, not every hookup’s perfect._

Then of course Dean tells Cas they can’t work togeher. [Because of reasons](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ftvtropes.org%2Fpmwiki%2Fpmwiki.php%2FMain%2FStarCrossedLovers&t=ODkwMTY5OGJhMTdmMzBhMGU1MjA4YWMxNThmMWU3MWY5NmI2Y2UwOCxub0dTb01JZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F115156482447%2Fbuckleming-and-the-deancasagenda&m=1). 

**9x21 King of the damned**

> _DEAN: Well, that’s the problem. See, you don’t think anybody’s lying. I think everybody’s lying. It’s a gift._

Just one line, but I think it foreshades the conflict we see in 9x22 (Dean believes Cas is lying to them, just as he did in 6x20). Trust is a fickle thing, and it shows the control the MoC already has over Dean, that he loses his trust in the people closest to him.

**10x03 Soul survivor**

  
Starting season 10 and well, there is really a lot of talking about feelings, emotions and all that jazz, isn’t there? The season starts with Cas and Hannahs journey and framing Hannah as a potential love interest. Many pointed out that Hannahs development resembels Cas in season 4: starting as a soldier, taking orders without a second thought, but slowly starting to doubt, to question things. Her story ends in 10x07, where she realises that (human) emotions aren’t made for her. Now Cas, as a contrast to Hannah, appears much more focused and less emotional in the first half of the season. Why is that? Season 9 ended with Cas stating that he just wanted to be an angel again. That is, right after he lost Dean. And though Cas keeps on dying (and coming back) it was the first time for Cas that he lost Dean. And he grieved him. He knows what emotions can cause. How much it can hurt to love someone. So when he notices that Hannah might develops feelings for him, he tries to prevent her from the pain.

> _CASTIEL: Just … I’ve been around humans for long enough to see how easily distractions occur._
> 
> _HANNAH: “Distractions.”_
> 
> _CASTIEL: **Emotions, feelings … They’re dangerous temptations.**_
> 
> _HANNAH: How very Biblical, Castiel._
> 
> _CASTIEL: I don’t mean to be unkind._
> 
> _HANNAH: You don’t need to be kind._
> 
> _CASTIEL:I just … I’m trying to keep our priorities clear._
> 
> _HANNAH: Not to worry, then. I’m very clear on my priorities. And yours._

Then of course Cas arrives in the bunker and it’s very telling that in a show that is focused on a brotherly bond, Sam alone this time wasn’t enough to save Dean. It needed Sam and Cas. Familiar and romantic love.  And again, they talk about emotions, how Dean, who cares so much it breaks him apart, chosed to be a demon. And Cas can relate. Because sometimes he wished he wouldn’t have felt a single thing as well. 

> _CASTIEL: Well… I see his point. **You know, only humans can feel real joy, but … also such profound pain. This is easier.**_

And the dialogue at the end. Where Cas mentions a female outside in the car. Which again… seems odd. Like the only way this line/wording works, is that Deans thinks Cas reason for leaving is a woman, a new love. 

> _CASTIEL: You look terrible._
> 
> _[Dean laughs.]_
> 
> _DEAN: You know, it wouldn’t kill you to lie every now and again._
> 
> _CASTIEL: No, it wouldn’t kill me. I just … You …_
> 
> _DEAN: Forget it. Well, you, on the other hand, you… Looking good. So… Are you back?_
> 
> _CASTIEL: At least temporarily. It’s a long story. Crowley, stolen grace. There’s a female outside in the car._
> 
> _[Dean stares at him, and Cas shakes his head.]_
> 
> _CASTIEL: Another time._
> 
> _DEAN: Well, thank you for, um… Stepping in when you did._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DEAN: I’m glad you’re here, man._

 

**10x10 The Hunter Games**

  
It starts with this little conversation, Cas endlessly defending Dean.  Because when is a monster not a monster? When you love it.

> _CLAIRE: Dean Winchester’s a monster._
> 
> _CASTIEL: [ Sighs ] It’s possible there’s a little monster in all of us._
> 
> _CLAIRE: You want me to trust you? And the fact that you’d even try to defend him just proves to me that I can’t._

And it ends with this.

> _CASTIEL: **I can pick up on a – a longing.**_

Because appenrently prayers aren’t intimitate enough. There is real emotional connection between them, Cas can feel Deans longing for him. Which in retroprospect makes every time Cas left him 100 times more tragic. And more romantic.

**10x16 Paint it black**

  
And finally, the confession scene. After telling his little story about Gina (which the priest didn’t believe him for one second) Dean spills out the truth, raw and unfiltered, something he can’t tell Sam. That he wants to live. That he wants to change. That he hopes beyond hope to make things different. 

  
And again the talk about feelings. They have been coded as romantic in Cas conversation with Hannah in 10x03. And now with Deans cover story about Gina, within an episode that is full of tragic love stories, they are coded as romantic as well. Furthermore Dean uses the word people (instead of for example women), a genderless noun, the way queer people often do in an enviroment where they think they can’t talk open about their sexual orientation. And then of course, the fact that he wants to experience certain feelings for  the first time. Because Dean has been in long term relationships before. But never with another man. And Dean talks about these people in a way that suggests that he alreay knows them, they are already a central part of his life. 

  
In conclusion: Dean admits (if only to himself) that he is in love with Cas, and that given the chance (which he doesn’t think he has) he would love to give it a try.

> _DEAN: What if I said I, I didn’t want to die… yet. That I wasn’t ready._
> 
> _FATHER DELANEY: Are you expecting to?_
> 
> _DEAN: Always. The life I live, the work I do I pretty much just figured that’s all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later I’d go out the same way I lived, pedal to the metal and that would be it._
> 
> _FATHER DELANEY: And now?_
> 
> _DEAN: Now. Recent events made me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And I don’t know; **there’s things, there’s people, feelings that I-I want to experience differently than I did before, or maybe even the first time.**_

So what does it say about the bad duo? All the problematic things aside, even they seem to write towards Destiel as an endgame. With wiriting Dean as someone who craves a long term relationship, with writing Cas and Dean as a romantic couple and with one of the the most blatant scene about Deans bisexuality, one can only hope.

  
**Tl;dr: Buckleming are the secret destiel shippers we never suspecte them to be.**


	6. The Winchesters Brothers Band: Why it is time that Sam and Dean start their solo careers

**The Winchesters Brothers Band: Why it is time that Sam and Dean start their solo careers**

One of the classic elements of Supernatural is that they very often use name of Rock musicians as their aliases. That is obviously due to Deans love for Classic Rock, but then again their life on the road resembles that of a band on tour. 

  
Now I recently read a short meta that there is a pattern in season 10 with aliases of bands, who split up or musicians who left their band and started a solo career (if someone could send me the link, so I could add it?). But looking back, I realized that this is not only a pattern that appeared in season 10, but ever since the Carver era started. 

  
Here’s a overlook:

  
8x02: Agents Neil & Sixx : Vince Neil & Nikki Six of Motley Crüe, Neil had to leave the band temporarily.

  
8x03: Sam as Agent Sambora: Richie Sambora had left Bon Jovi temporarily at the time the episode aired (in 2013 he left the band for good).

  
8x04: Agents Rose & Hudson: Axl Rose & Saul Hudson aka Slash of Guns N‘ Roses, Slash left the band in 1996.

  
8x07: Agents Roth & Malloy: David Lee Roth was the original singer of Van Halen, later replaced by  Sammy Hagar. After Hagar left as well Mitch Malloy auditioned as their new singer.

  
8x08: Agents Crosby, Stills & Nash (Team Free Will): David Crosby, Stephen Stills and Graham Nash founded their supergroup at a point where they all were successful musicians of their own. In choosing the name Crosby, Stills & Nash they wanted to show that each of them still had their artistic autonomy. 

  
8x15: Sam as Agent Keith: Keith Richards is the guitarist of The Rolling Stones as well as a successful solo artist.

  
8x16: Agents Bonham & Jones: John Bonham & John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, the band broke up after Bonhams death. Strangely enough Dean poses as  Bonham although it is Sam who nearly dies at the end of the season.

  
8x17: Agents Tandy & Lynne: Richard Tandy & Jeff Lynne of ELO, a band that broke up temporarely. 

  
9x02: Agents Stark & Banner: Tony Stark (Iron Man) & Bruce Banner (Hulk), not in a band, but in the movie „The Avengers“  the superheroes have to find a way to work together to save the world after initially disliking each other.

  
9x05: Agents Micheals & DeVille: Bret Michaels & C.C. DeVille of Poison. After a fight in 1991 with Micheals DeVille was forced to leave the band, although he returned in 1999. 

  
9x12: Sam as Agent Perry: Joe Perry left Aerosmith temporarily.

  
9x13: Sam as Agent Frehley: Ace Frehley left Kiss.

  
9x14: Agents Nicks & McVie: Stevie Nicks & Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac, both women (!) had solo careers as well.

  
9x19: Agents Wilson & Fisher: Nancy or Ann Wilson & Roger or Mike Fisher of Heart. Nancy and Ann are siblings as well as Roger & Mike. They also dated: Roger dated Nany, while Mike was with Ann. Both Fisher brothers left the band.

  
9x20: Agents Bonham & Peart: John Bonham of Led Zeppelin and Neil Peart drummer of Rush. They are both drummers, but not in the same band (they both have the same profession, but not in the same „family“).

  
9x22: Agents Spears & Aguilera: Britney Spears & Christina Aguilera. Of course it is Cas who choosed these aliases, but Spears and Aguilera are known to be rivals at the beginning of their careers.

  
10x05: Agents Smith & Smith, no relation: a reference to the movie „Die Hard“. Of course, ironically the first time they choose aliases with the same name, they pretend no to be related. Seeing that 10x05 is a meta episode which explicitly tells us the importance of subtext, that could be a foreshading for Sam & Dean breaking up their bond/band.

  
10x08: Agents Frehley & Criss: Ace Frehley & Peter Criss both left Kiss.

  
10x11: Agents Collins & Gabriel: during fans and critics Genesis is usually split up to the Peter-Gabriel-era and the Phil-Collins-era. Dean later poses as Mr. Presly: Elvis Presly of course was a solo artist.

  
10x13: Agents Grohl & Cobain: Dave Grohl & Kurt Cobain of Nirvana. After Cobains death the band broke up and Grohl founded the Foo Fighters.

  
10x14: Agents Moore & Ranaldo: Thurston Moore & Lee Ranaldo of Sonic Youth, the band broke up in 2014.

  
10x16: Agents Allman & Betts: Gregg Allman & Dickey Betts of The Allman Brothers Band, Betts had to leave the band.

  
10x19: Dean as Dwight Twilley: Twilley & Phil Seymour performed as Dwight Twilley Band, they both had later solo careers.

Now what could this mean for Sam & Dean? Looking at the reasons those bands broke up, there are various causes: some broke up rather ugly, some eventually worked together again, some broke up because one of their band members had died. But some managed to be both successful within a band as well as a solo artist. Now hopefully Sam & Dean as well will learn to be their own person as well as working together as a team.

**Edit:**

Reblogging for completeness:

10x20: Doesn’t fit in into the theme, as we see Dean & Cas pose as agents rather than Sam & Dean, though Dean & Cas posing as agents Clapton and Page is interesting by itself; I wrote a bit about it [here](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/117980760202/some-thoughts). 

10x22: Among the fake aliases the sheriff found with Dean were Ozzy Osbourne, Lemmy Kilmister and Freddie Mercury. Both Ozzy Osbourne as Freddie Mercury worked in bands (Black Sabbath & Queen) and as solo artists. Though Lemmy Kilmister never left Motörhead he is the sole constant member of the band.


	7. Afterthoughts 10x20

**Some Thoughts....**

about Agents Page & Clapton in 10x20. Now these aliases don’t fit in the theme [I wrote about](http://nerdylittleshit.tumblr.com/post/117342279992/the-winchesters-brothers-band-why-it-is-time-that), seeing as it is Dean & Cas posing as agents this time. Still it is an interessting choice. Both Eric Clapton and Jimmy Page played in a band together, The Yardbirds. Still, they are mostly known as solo artist (Clapton) and guitarist of Led Zeppelin (Page). And both times their most well kown songs were about heaven. Eric Clapton wrote “Tears in heaven” after the death of his four-year-old son in 1991. In the song he wonders if his son would regonize him in heaven if the two of them would meet again.

> _Beyond the door_
> 
> _There’s peace, I’m sure_
> 
> _And I know there’ll be no more_
> 
> _Tears in heaven_
> 
> _Would you know my name_
> 
> _If I saw you in heaven?_
> 
> _Would it be the same_
> 
> _If I saw you in heaven?_

Twice now we have seen heaven represented in season 10 trough doors. In 10x17 we saw doors leading to individual heavens, in 10x20 Amelia walks through a door to find her heaven (and her soulmate). “Tears in heaven” is about a parent losing his child, in 10x20 we see a child losing her mother. Clapton asks himself if you meet your lost ones again in heaven, and if they would regonize you. At the end of 10x20 Amelia finds her husband in heaven again, wondering if it’s really him. And of course, as Jimmy is reunited with his wife again, we see him crying, so there are literal tears in heaven.

Led Zeppelins most popular song is “Stairway to heaven”, a song about a woman whos belief is so strong, that she buys a stairway to heaven. 

> _There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold  
>  And she’s buying a stairway to Heaven _

Amelia of course is portrayed as a religious woman in 4x20, and after the events of this episode she begins to search for her husband, looking for miracle healers. But of course this could also be a throwback to 9x22, the episode with the same name, in which Cas enters Metatrons fake heaven. Amelias dream from the beginning of 10x20 could be seen as a fake heaven as well. But in the end, just as Cas, she enters the real heaven.


	8. Did Dean stop caring about Cas?

**Did Dean stop caring about Cas?**

 

**Contains spoilers for season 9 & 10 and probably some unpopular opinions**

I saw several posts in the last days were people criticized that Dean had stopped caring about Cas in the last two seasons. While everyone is free to interpret their interactions like that I started to wonder about that and came to a slightly different conclusion.

First of all I think it is always a bit difficult to compare Dean & Cas interactions in season 8 to what we saw in season 9 and 10. Season 8 was a potential final season (after the ratings in season 7 dropped), so the romantic subtext increased, to the point where it was possible within the story to upgrade said subtext to actual text at the end of season 8. Season 9 and 10 on the other side didn’t feature that subtext as intense as we saw it there. Until the end of the show we can’t say for sure why, but of course it is possible that without having a final season in mind, this relationship can’t further develop, as it is a possible romantic endgame; no happy end until the very end. Instead I think we saw in season 9 and 10 a balance between driving Dean and Cas further apart and creating some sort of conflict while still showing us that those do in fact care about each other/are still part of a romantic subplot. 

I think the change started in middle of season 9. The season started with Dean calling Cas for help in 9x01 and their desperate search for him in 9x03. Though the end of 9x03 created the first conflict because otherwise human!Cas would have moved into the bunker and we would have seen the fluffy bunker fic we’re all craving. This conflict created a big wave of miscommunication: Dean couldn’t tell Cas the real reason why he had to leave, neither could he tell Sam. We don’t know how much they communicated between 9x03 and 9x06; Cas felt rejected, Dean guilty and he couldn’t talk with Sam about it as he might have done otherwise. Still when Cas calls in 9x06 Dean drives immediately to him. After 9x06 Dean is in a state where he said goodbye to Cas for good; he saw how well adjusted Cas was a human, that this way he might had the chance to start new, to be happy, getting away from heavens duty and the danger the Winchester get him into. Deans love for Cas is shown in the way that he is able to let him go, to give him a chance for happiness (without understanding that part of Cas happiness is to be near Dean). 9x07 and 9x08 underline this: in 9x07 we learn that Dean had to sacrifice his own needs before to protect Sam, in 9x08 Dean reveals how he hates to always say adios. 9x09 is a repetition of 9x03 (Dean has to cut off Cas for Sams sake), but 9x10, after Dean finally is able to tell the truth and the current conflict is resolved, shows the epitome of Cas and Deans relationship. You could have told the mythology aspect of the story without Cas, strictly he wasn’t needed to the plot, his whole purpose here is to function as Deans emotional support. It’s telling then that in 9x11 without  this support (or his brother) and under the influence of Crowley Dean takes on the MoC. This episode also shows us the first time where Sam and Cas work together (that is without Dean). From this point on Dean and Cas drift apart: Cas is busy repairing heaven while Dean gets more and more under the influence of the mark. It’s not up to 9x22 that Sam & Dean learn that all the time Cas is running out of grace. But then Metatron plays God and Dean dies and bigger issues are up front.

Season 10 starts with Cas getting worse, though it is implied that at least Sam doesn’t know how bad it is really as they don’t actively work together in 10x01 and it seems they haven’t in a while. Dean of course doesn’t care at all – I give you that – because he is a demon. He almost killed his brother so why would an angel running out of grace be his concern? By the time Dean is human again Cas got new grace, so neither Sam or Dean saw how bad he was, probably leaving them in false security. Also at the end of 10x03 Dean expresses how glad he is to see Cas to which Cas responds a female is waiting for him in the car. Bad phrasing that it was, it caused some doubts on Deans side, maybe even jealousy, making him believe that Cas has more important things to do now that Dean is saved. It’s the old miscommunication between them: Cas who is afraid Dean only thinks of him as a tool, Dean who is afraid he is nothing more than a little project for Cas (because even though Cas has proved several times that Dean is more important to him than heaven Dean still wonders how insignificant he must be in the great turn of things). Cas has learned what it means to truly lose someone, to mourn them, leading him to turn to heaven again, to distract himself. Dean is afraid Cas duty to heaven is once again more important. 

To me Deans MoC-arc is among other things a story about isolation. In many ways Deans story parallels to someone with a terminal illness: they have to learn to live with the knowledge that there is no cure for their condition. It’s a natural process that Dean becomes more and more depressed and goes through different stages of grieving, mourning the loss of his own life. Season 9 isn’t so heavy on this theme (mostly because Dean isn’t aware that he can’t get rid of the mark), but we see in 9x22 how it feeds his insecurities, how he doubts Cas and isn’t able to fully trust him first. In season 10 he actively isolates himself more and more. The two characters we up to this point always associate with Dean – Cas and Charlie – are paired with Sam this season. In 10x11 we see good!Charlie paired with Sam and evil!Charlie paired with Dean; though they are both part of her it is clear that at least Dean sees good!Charlie as the real Charlie. The end of the episode creates a conflict between both characters, creating a crack in a relationship that until then had been a safe haven for Dean. Dean clearly withdraws himself from everyone he used to care about. That doesn’t mean he stopped caring or loving them – in 10x07 he admits he is aware of their love for them – but he is unable or unwilling to show it. This is a man who sees no future for himself, at least none where he doesn’t become a monster. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have still dreams for a different life, a different future – he confesses that in 10x16. The difference between Sam and Cas is that Sam is always around – it is way harder to avoid him. Whereas his relationship with Cas needs a different kind of effort. They never had a normal friendship to begin with – they only see each other when they work together and in between they have moments like the one in 10x09 where they have diner together, quiet moments, just the two of them. But it needs time and effort, and in the end it is unfortunately easier to cut off ties with Cas than his brother. Especially after Dean found out that Cas has worked behind his back – bringing back memories from his betrayal in season 6 – giving him a good reason to end things. 

In conclusion it is possible to interpret Deans lack of communication with Cas as Dean who had stopped caring about Cas. But it is also possible to see it as a symptom of Deans increasing depression in season 10, as a way to possible save Cas from the monster Dean thinks he becomes and to punish himself at the same time.


	9. Season 10 deleted scenes - Some thoughts

**Season 10 deleted scenes - Some thoughts**

**Contains spoilers for season 10!**

  
First of all, as much as I liked the deleted scenes and thought they gave a more detailed insight to the episodes I don’t think they actually added something to the plot we didn’t already know. Supernatural is usually a very plot-driven show, with the emotional arc and scenes that are used as a character study almost always reduced to the brotherly talk at the end of each episode or played out during parallels in the motw-episodes. So anything that isn’t strictly necessary for the plot gets usually cut. I take a closer look on the deleted scenes for 10x14 and 10x23. I’ve read a few comments here and there yesterday but nothing at full length so sorry in advance if somebody else pointed this out already.

**10x14 The Executioner’s Song**

You can watch the scene [here](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com/post/128659831343/the-executioners-song-unaired-sceneplease-do-not), gifs are [here ](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com/post/128645053293/the-executioners-song-unaired-scene-2)and [here](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com/post/128656501028/unaired-scene-the-executioners-song).

Basically Cas and Crowley fight over who is Deans boyfriend. It certainly frames the Cas-Crowley-Dean-relationship as a love triangle, though the episode aimed at this angle already without this scene included. Back then many viewers pointed out that the scene in which Dean gave Cas the blade instead of Crowley could be interpreted as Dean choosing Cas over Crowley, certainly within a romantic text, as both Cas and Crowley have been framed as love interest for Dean up to this point. While the deleted scene underlined this interpretation it wasn’t necessary to add. Personally I’m glad they didn’t use this scene, simply because of the use of the word _boyfriend_. While it certainly intends to portray those relationships in a romantic light, it is in a way outdated. Of course Cas has been called Dean boyfriend before – but it is something more typical for season 6 or 7. There is a great difference in the way the romantic subtext between Cas & Dean has been portrayed with Sera Gamble as showrunner and how it’s portrayed since Jeremy Carver is in charge. In season 6 & 7 Cas might have been called Deans boyfriend, which is clearly the kind of subtext which is hard to ignore, as it is written into the actual text, but in the end it is intended as a joke. Cas and Crowley have been mocking each other here, but the joke is not funny anymore. The subtext we have seen since season 8 is usually more between the lines, for example by using parallels or negative space. It is not as bright as using the word _boyfriend_ within the text, but it is also usually more deeper. Carver treated this relationship as the actually love story it is instead of a cheap joke. Therefore I’m glad this scene wasn’t used.

**10x23 Brother’s Keeper**

You can watch the scene [here](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com/post/128658065693/unaired-scene-from-brothers-keeperplease-do-not), a gif [here](http://yourfavoritedirector.tumblr.com/post/128646965228/brothers-keeper-unaired-scene-1). 

Of course this scene would have made the show even more homoerotic than it already is. But yeah, let’s start with the bartender. Ironically she isn’t actually Deans type. Dean usually prefers brunettes (Cassie, Lisa, Robin… Cas). That doesn’t mean he never had fun with blondes as well, but still. Anne-Marie from 10x01 reminded many people of Mary in the way she was dressed and to some degree honestly cared about Dean. The bartender here applies to the other end – no longer the saint but the sinner. I doubt a real bartender would wear clothes like she did – in many ways she reminded me of Suzy from 9x08. A woman dressed in a way Dean thinks he is supposed to like/get off to. It is interesting then when she points out he has a secret admirer it is revealed to be Cas – framing him as love interest again. Then of course Dean asks him if he is here to apologize- maybe it’s just me but I thought his voice sounded a bit husky. It is an interesting line but also one that could be easily misinterpret (of course everyone is free to read this line as they like). I don’t think we can take Dean literary here – first of all this is a dream and all of it is Deans subconscious. I’ve read some comments pointing out that Dean is projecting his own need to apologize on Cas. While this might be true I understand that line differently – Dean tries to find someone to blame for his current situation. And those are Sam and Cas. He told Sam in 10x22 he should be dead instead of Charlie and almost killed Cas at the end. Both lied to him and worked behind his back and not only did it mean for Dean that the people closest to him didn’t trust him to be okay it resulted in Charlies death. Blaming Cas and Sam makes a very complex situation way easier to comprehend. There might be more ways to look at it and I think this line is certainly worth a second look but also one that could be easily misread/taken out of context, so maybe it is better they didn’t add this scene. 

Deans conversation with Crowley is callback to beginning of the season – Crowley as well is framed as love interest, he even renews his offer for Dean to work together. Dean declines, rejecting Crowley again. Even more so the fact that Cas has been on Deans mind, followed him to his dreams whereas Crowley had to actually dreamwalk repeats again the fact that Dean chose Cas over Crowley/that Cas is more important to him. The scene adds a deeper look to those two relationships, but in the end didn’t add something to the plot.


	10. „Damn it, I just cleaned in here.” – Why Dean needs to clean up everyone’s mess

**„Damn it, I just cleaned in here.” – Why Dean needs to clean up everyone’s mess**

 

It’s no secret that Dean can be at times a neat freak – this man likes it when everything is at its place, orderly and most important clean. It is a behaviour that although has been expressed in earlier seasons has been more prominent in the last ones – specifically since the brothers moved into the bunker. On the contrary we have examples in the early seasons that show that Dean didn’t always act like this. During the hunt in 1x01 Dean got covered up in mud, and Sam even tells him he smells like a toilet. Still he doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to clean himself up. In 2x15 we got this exchange:

> _SAM: Dude, you know something? I put up with a lot from you._
> 
> _DEAN: What are you talking about? I’m a joy to be around._
> 
> _SAM: Yeah? Your dirty socks in the sink, your food in the fridge._
> 
> _DEAN: What’s wrong with my food?_
> 
> _SAM: It’s not food anymore, Dean! It’s Darwinism._

Sam is annoyed by the mess Dean created and the tone of the conversation suggests it’s not the first time he brings this up. It is interesting though that this conversation takes place in an episode that shows us both, Sam & Dean, as unreliable narrators. So Sam might have exaggerated a bit. Then again the scene takes place in a motel room, therefore a place Dean wouldn’t regard as a home. In contrast to that we have the Impala and the way Dean treats his car, making sure it is always clean and in a good state, to the point where he almost completely rebuild it after it was severe damaged (2x02, 7x01). He even got rules, such as no dogs in the car (8x01), though it is okay to eat in the car. For a long time the car was the only home the boys ever had – as much as they were welcome at Bobby’s place it was never theirs, in contrast to the car. Even after they moved into the bunker the car was still sacred. Therefore it is quite telling that when Dean became a demon he stopped caring about his car, neglecting it entirely.

> _SAM [looking around the car]: This thing is filthy._
> 
> _DEAN: It’s just a car, Sam._
> 
> _SAM: “It’s just a…car”. Wow. You really have gone dark._
> 
> _DEAN: You have no idea._

Like I wrote before Dean’s need to clean up became more obvious in later seasons, but we got glimpses of it during all the seasons. In 3x09 it is part of the reason he strongly dislikes witches.

> _DEAN: I hate witches. They’re always spewing their bodily fluids everywhere._
> 
> _SAM: Pretty much._
> 
> _DEAN: It’s creepy, you know, it’s down right unsanitary._

In 6x18 it brings a little more reality to Dean’s western fantasy.

> _DEAN: S-so much more germier than I pictured._

And in 7x14, when they’re on the run and Frank advices them to use payphones, we get this:

> _DEAN (on phone): Seriously, Frank, pay phones? I mean, come on. I – I’m getting the clap off this thing just touching it._

It is interesting to see this kind of behaviour with Dean, because with a job like his he is used to get dirty. In fact there are countless times we see the brothers covered up in blood and other things Dean would call unsanitary. Real man don’t care if they get dirty. So the persona Dean created for himself in his childhood and adolescence – the one to impress his father and fit in into the hunter culture – that hyper masculine persona doesn’t care either. But Dean does. Because more than once Dean has been associated with the feminine or has shown character traits that are typically applied to women. After his mother’s death it was Dean who replaced her in the family hierarchy. He took care of Sam in a way a mother would have: he supported him, protected him, listened to him. He made him diner and probably made sure the motel room they stayed in looked okay, trying to create a home where none was. And a lot of this behaviour can be explained as a child who tried to bring order into a world that was out of control. Deans normal life stopped the night his mother died – his own worst nightmare became true, showing him that monsters were real, that nothing was safe. Instead of creating a stable environment for his children John moved around and became a hunter, driven by revenge. After losing one parent Dean lived in the constant fear of losing another one. And I guess there were times when John came back from a hunt, seriously wounded, which was rather traumatic to witness for his sons (though he might have avoided for Sam to see him like that). Constantly moving around, always dreading to lose his father as well, Dean tried to bring as much stability into his and Sam’s life as he could, even if it was only in terms of housekeeping. In the end it didn’t protect him from the horrors of the world outside, but for a moment he created something resembling the home he once had.

This of course brings us to season 8 and the bunker and the moment the Winchesters finally get their own home. Right from the beginning Dean seems to be more excited about the prospect of having a place they can call home. He makes his room his own, filling it with things dear to him. More than that there is a clear structure in it, the way he arranges everything, all orderly and clean. Everything in this room is his and his alone, including a brand new mattress he can be sure nobody else has used before. 

> _DEAN: Not bad? I haven’t had my own room – ever. I’m making this awesome. I got my kickass vinyl, I’ve got this killer mattress. [Sits on the bed.] Memory foam – it remembers me._
> 
> _SAM takes a piece of gum out of the wrapper and sticks it into his mouth._
> 
> _DEAN: And it’s clean, too. There’s no funky smell. There’s no creepy motel stains._
> 
> _SAM tosses the gum wrapper at the waste basket. He misses the basket._
> 
> _DEAN: Really?_
> 
> _SAM: [Holds up both hands.] Sorry._

Later in the episode we see Dean making diner for Sam and himself, due the fact that they have a kitchen now and are no longer forced to eat junk food.

> _SAM: You made these?_
> 
> _DEAN: We have a real kitchen now._
> 
> _SAM: I know. I-I just didn’t think you knew what a kitchen was._
> 
> _DEAN: I’m nesting, okay? Eat._

Dean openly admits that he is nesting. This again is a kind of behaviour mostly associated with women. It is therefore not surprising to see Dean act like this in a season where he seemed to be more in terms with who he is than before. Dean opens up; in 8x08 he is the one starting the conversation with Cas, despite it being a “chick flick moment”; in 8x11 he expresses his interest in LARPing, something only nerds are considered to take interest in. 

Dean developed his need to have everything orderly and clean in his childhood, as a way to gain control again and create safety/a home. Thirty years later this still remains true, but within season 8 Dean’s behaviour can also be seen as something Dean no longer tries to hide. He likes his home to be in an orderly state and he is no longer ashamed to admit it. 

In season 9 we see Dean taking two steps backwards from this progression, as he starts lying to Sam again. Still we got an episode that centers around the meaning of the word home, and what it means respectively to each brother. In 9x04 we learn that Sam, unlike Dean, doesn’t regard the bunker as a home. 

> _SAM: This isn’t our home. This is where we work._

And this of course is grounded in the fact that Sam never had a real home.

> _DEAN: Why haven’t you moved in?_
> 
> _SAM: Is now really the time for this, Dean?_
> 
> _DEAN: Well, just asking._
> 
> _SAM: Look, I never had what you had with mom and dad, okay?_
> 
> _DEAN: What are you talking about?_
> 
> _SAM: I don’t have any memories of home. And whenever I’ve tried to make a home of my own, it really hasn’t ended well._

In contrast to that we see Dean continuously acting in a way that shows us he regards the bunker as his home. After the witch wreaked havoc in their kitchen Dean’s first concern is the state of said kitchen. 

> _DEAN: Damn it, I just cleaned in here._

Later, as they search for the Key of Oz, we learn that Dean even organized his porn collection. 

> _[CHARLIE and DEAN are searching through DEAN’s room. CHARLIE opens a box full of antique porn.]_
> 
> _CHARLIE: You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not –_
> 
> _DEAN: Don’t judge me._

The season ends with Dean’s slow transformation into a demon, fulfilling in 9x23. This Dean is shown as someone who – in contrast to the human Dean- doesn’t seem to care about anything at all, including his car. The state of his car – his home – represents his own state – he is mess. Dean no longer tries to gain control over his life, on the contrary he completely lets go. This is until Sam gets a hold of him, bringing him back to the bunker and cures him. It is during this episode (10x03) that we see Sam entering Dean’s room again, and finding, among other things, a half eaten piece of pie. It was left behind by Dean, untypical for someone who likes his room clean, and shows us that at the time he died in 9x23 he had already started to change.

Even though it is such a small part of Dean’s mannerism to keep everything orderly and clean it tells us quite a lot about him, as much as the absence of it told us something was wrong with him. This kind of behaviour has its roots in his unstable childhood, and as his life remains unsteady it is still part of his way to cope with those elements of his life. But it also expresses his desires to create a home, to have a place he can finally call his own, ready to share with his family. The world outside might be cruel, but the bunkers means comfort, it means safety, it means home.


	11. 10x05 Rewatch

**10x05 Rewatch**

I just rewatched 10x05 today and it reminded me again how much I love this episode (unlike Marie I have a thing for the meta storylines). It is not so much a love letter to the show than it is to the fans. As many noted it is the opposite of 5x09: instead of belittleling the fans it celebrates fandom. Marie & the theater kids are the real heroes of the episode. 

It is about the legacy the Winchesters leave behind - both as actual hunters and as fictional characters (within and outside the episode). They save Marie’s life in both ways, by killing the actual monster, but before as fictional characters. In an unfortunately deleted scene she tells Dean that her parents died when she was 3 years old, that she had to move from one foster family to another, and how the Supernatural books helped her coping with it. In the end Dean calls it an educational experience - he got an outside view of his and his brother’s life, one that celebrates them as heroes, in a time he couldn’t picture himself as such. In that way Marie becomes an active part of the story, a hero herself - she kills the scarecrow (as a fictional Sam, the same time the actual Sam kills Calliope), but she also teached Sam and Dean a lesson. 

Within the episode there is also a clear distinction between the first and the second act. The first act covers the canon part of the books - season 1 to 5 (the Kripke era). The second act is transformative work - fan fiction - and based solely on Marie’s interpretation. It is the second act several characters have problems with - Maggie (the original Sam in the play), Calliope and Dean. Maggie tells Marie that “ _if it’s not canon then it shouldn’t be in the show_ ”. I think this is a reference to the fans who have a strict police to only stick to what happened in canon and in the text, dismissing the whole subtext of the show and every kind of transformative work. (And perhaps who only value the first five seasons and dismiss everything that happened ever since) 

Calliope as well dismisses the second act.

> _Oh, gods ! If I have to sit through that second act, one more time… There’s robots, and tentacles, and space. I can’t even._

Her fascination with Supernatural is all based on the first act aka the canon. It is noteworthy that Calliope of course is the actual monster, meaning her opinion should been seen as negative within the context of the episode. Dean’s lesson throughout the episode is to learn that even though he personally doesn’t agree with Marie’s interpretation/the second act, he values it nonetheless.

> _I have my version, and you have yours._

The importance is focused on the second act. Calliope dismissed it and had to die. Dean had to learn to accept it, personal feelings aside. 10x05 isn’t about the show, but about the audience’s interpretation of it. The second act is as important as the first, one doesn’t exist without the other. 

Some other things:

\- Dean regocnizes homoerotic subtext. Both in the Wincest and in the Destiel scene he knows what is going on based on body language alone. It is only subtext but Dean understands it nevertheless.

\- At one point Dean probably wonders why he is part of all the slash pairings of the show, both Wincest and Destiel. Sam asks about Sastiel, but at the same Dean had to wonder why this wasn’t part of the show.

\- Dean knows what fan fiction is. Marie calls it transformative work, but Dean corrects her and calls it Fan Fiction. He knows the terminology. He probably has his own AO3 account.

\- Dean has seen “Rent” enough that he can quote it off by heart. Just saying.

\- The whole “ _I’ll just wait here_ ”-sequence: There was no need for it and yet it was there. During the first song (” _The road so far_ ”) Sam gets abducted, and in the third song (” _A single man tear_ ”) Marie kills the Scarecrow. Both songs are intervined with the plot of the episode. The second song though? Was just there as a Destiel moment, and to make that scene in 5x04 in hindsight even more romantic than it was. Just look at the audience in that moment. It is a love song and everyone knows it.

\- I miss Robbie Thompson.


	12. 10x23 Rewatch

**10x23 Rewatch**

I finally finished my rewatch of season 10 which kinda took me a long time because I am not overly fond of season 10, but whatever. Rewatching 10x23 there is something I noticed others have probably talked about before, but I want to talk about it again, for reasons. At the beginning of the episode we see Dean working a case, which in the end resulted in Rudy’s death, which (combined with his guilt over what he did to Cas) led to Dean’s decision to ask Death to kill him.

Throughout the whole case we see that Dean is no longer acting like himself, from the way he acts towards Rudy or the victim’s family and ultimately risking Rudy’s life. The victim had been a young girl, Rose, killed by vampires. 

  


When Dean first arrives at the crime scene we got the following dialogue:

> _SHERIFF: Rose McKinley. Raised up about three miles from here. Nice parents, God-fearin’ folk._
> 
> _DEAN: Well, they let her leave the house looking like a whore._

It is completely out of character for Dean to slut-shame a young woman, especially one that has been brutally killed. But it doesn’t stop there, Dean continues with this kind of behaviour when he interviewes Rose’s parents.

> _MR. McKINLEY: Rose was…a shy girl._
> 
> _(Dean looks over Mr. McKinleys shoulder to a picture of him and Crystal)_
> 
> _MRS. McKINLEY: But…you think she might know who did this to her?_
> 
> _DEAN: In Rose’s case, she not only knew the person, but, uh, she was trying to have intercourse with them. So I’m just trying to figure out whether it was a boyfriend or whether it was just some random roll in the hay._
> 
> _MRS. McKINLEY: No. Uh, there were no relations that we’re aware of._
> 
> _MR. McKINLEY (angrily): No relations at all. What the hell is this, Agent?_
> 
> _DEAN: I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley._
> 
> _MR. McKINLEY: By suggesting my daughter was a slut?_
> 
> _DEAN: I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home._
> 
> _MR. McKINLEY: You shut your face right now._
> 
> _DEAN: And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her. Joe, who did this?_

This is the picture Dean looks at:

And it is interesing what he can tell about this family from a single picture. Why? It takes one to know one. Because Dean no longer talks about Rose, he also talks about himself. Someone who grew up in an abusive family, someone who had his fair share of meaningless sex looking for some kind of validation himself. Dean knows women like Rose because he acts just like them (but also men never get called a whore/slut for this kind of behaviour). His disrespectful comment about her clothes is in the end a twisted way to call himself out for the same kind of coping mechanism, because the MoC has leveled up his self hate. 

And in the end he repeatedly asks the father, Joe, who did this. Not because Dean thinks he knows, but because he blames Joe for his daughter’s death. If it wasn’t for him Rose might never dress like this and looking for love in all the wring places, which resulted in her death. And Dean knows, because he has been there. 

(all pictures taken from [HOTN](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fhomeofthenutty.com%2Fsupernatural%2Fscreencaps%2Findex.php&t=ZjY1ZDczNTA3NjI0MmUzNjI2YmYxMmIzZGZiODQzZDdkOTJhN2RiYyxDZDVSSE85aQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AmZ74xsg2zq_qvub1chY1lg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fnerdylittleshit.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174529479637%2Fi-finally-finished-my-rewatch-of-season-10-which&m=1))


	13. 8x06 Rewatch

**8x06 Rewatch**

So, a little while ago I rewatched 8x06 and noticed something. Right after the teaser this episode starts with Sam and Dean discussing Benny, or rather why Dean didn’t kill Benny, despite knowning that he is a vampire. 

> _SAM: But you’re out now [of purgatory], and Benny’s still breathing. Why?_
> 
> _DEAN: He’s my friend, Sam._
> 
> _SAM: And what about my friend, Amy? She was what? ‘Cause you sure as hell didn’t have a problem ganking her._
> 
> _[…]_
> 
> _DEAN: Look, Benny slips up and some other hunter turns his lights out, so be it._
> 
> _SAM: But it’s not gonna be you, right?_

It is interesting that Sam brings up Amy of all people. Amy of course is the Kitsune Dean killed in 7x03. She was also Sam’s first love. It’s a neat little parallel, because back in 7x07, after Sam found out about it, we had the following exchange:

> _SAM:[…] Look, I’ll work this damn case, but you lied to me, and you killed my friend._
> 
> _DEAN: No, I put down a monster who killed four people, and if you didn’t know her, you’d have done the same thing._
> 
> _SAM: I did know her, Dean._
> 
> _DEAN: Yeah, which is why you couldn’t do it._
> 
> _DEAN: Look, I get it. There are certain people in this world, no matter how dangerous they are, you just can’t._

Both Dean and Sam refer to the respective monster as their friend. But we know that Sam and Amy were once more than just friends. And while this on the surface could imply that Dean had romantic feelings for Benny, it doesn’t work out. Why? Because of Cas of course.

Back in 7x07 it is Dean who brings up Cas, who associates him with Amy, and indirectly tells Sam that he is the reason he killed Amy.

> _DEAN: I went with my gut. And that felt right. I didn’t trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I’m having a hard time trusting anybody._

Dean killed Amy because he couldn’t kill Cas back in 7x01. He even said so himself, there are certain people where you just can’t. His judgement for Cas was clouded. Back in 6x20 he was the one defending Cas towards Sam and Bobby. And even after everything Cas had done for the brief moment in 7x01 when Cas was back from the dead and before the Leviathan took over it looked like Dean was able to forgive him (very very slowly of course). 

The parallel of 7x03 only worked in relation to Dean and Cas, implying that if Sam’s judgement was clouded because of his romantic feelings towards Amy that might be true for Dean in relation to Cas as well.

So why doesn’t it work out for Benny and Dean as well? Because prior to the argument between Sam and Dean in 8x06 we saw an exchange between Dean and Benny in 8x05. Benny asked Dean why he saved him, why he resurrected him. Dean doesn’t give him a straight answer, but what follows is a flashback to purgatory, where we see how Benny saved Cas from a Leviathan attack. It marks the moment Dean started to trust Benny, the moment he began to see him as a friend and someone worth saving. And all because of Cas.

Dean killed Amy because of Cas, for making up for his own mistake of not being able to kill Cas when he should have. And Dean spared Benny because of Cas, because Benny had saved him. 


End file.
